I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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