fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
