I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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