One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
