I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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