shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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