i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
