he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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