You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Floor bacon is actually really good
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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