he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize