I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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