i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
