I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize