My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
