What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
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You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
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He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service