She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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