hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
