hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
