His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i walk over a car last night?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You ruined the universe
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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