I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
