Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
