The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Randomize
