How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
