I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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