Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
