nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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