You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
