tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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