I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
nutella sex= disaster
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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