i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
