Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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