Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
