you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
