It's Friday. Sex?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
