Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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