we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just want to make out with him forever
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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