i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
