I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
