remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
