Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
