I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
