could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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