Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
