I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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