I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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