yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
