i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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