He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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