I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize