There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
