I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize