this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
