How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
