Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I want a musical about memes.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
