I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
