watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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