dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
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I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
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I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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