grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
