I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
